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“Your father is not going to be happy…”

…but here’s the thing, I’m 26. That doesn’t mean that I’m throwing my parents opinions out the window, but seeing as they aren’t paying for school and I’m 20-freaking-6, it doesn’t really matter how happy my father will or will not be.

As you may have been able to pick up on, I had the conversation with my mom about not going back to SU. It went about the way I thought it was going to go. She doesn’t so much ‘support’ me, as acknowledges my right to make the decision. And, like all of these kind of conversation with my mom end up, there are a few caveats. I ‘HAVE’ to look into going to another in state, cheaper colleges, or at least colleges that would be able to give me more financial aid.

However, there is an other side effect of having these kind of talks with my mom. I usually find out what is really at the root of what’s going on. And in this case, it’s the fact that I just want life to start. Being in college at 26 doesn’t feel like real life to me. To me, it just feels like three more years of putting off real life. I’ve spent considerable amounts of time putting off real life. And while college may seem like a step in the right direction, at the root, it’s just an other avoidance scheme.

I put up smoke screens in my life to make it look like I’m terribly busy, but really, I’m avoiding growing up.

So, I’m going to look into getting my 99 hour certification in December and then getting a job and THEN looking at other schools.

SO, today was interesting. Not only was there the Big Talk with mom, but there was the epic hat swap, that ended with me being the proud owner of a Cable Knit Cap with a pompom on top, which i LOVE, and the unfortunate incident of seeing a picture of my ex and an email he wrote from Iraq plastered to a professorss wall. Why can’t I escape that man??? Even when he’s not physically around to make me mad, he’s still around to make me mad.

Talked on the phone to my dream boat for 45 minutes last night, and we decided that he is going to come down to visit the weekend of the 29th. SQUEEEEE!!!!!! I feel that there was LOTS of pray that went into the decision on both of our parts. So, I’m just keeping my prayin’ knees from getting lazy on this one (ah! Did I just quote a country song???  I must have the crazy flu or something….). I’m just trying real hard to guard my heart on this one.

That’s all I’ve got…


About Beating Heart, Spinning Mind

Professional dreamer. Searching for a job and greater meaning. Being a good girlfriend...well, trying to.


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