So, I have this policy I impose upon myself when I have to write a paper. I’m not allowed to go on Facebook for at LEAST 100 words. So, I’m waiting as long as I can to actually start the paper in order to postpone the dreaded rule as long as possible.
Also, I’m writing this blog.
Today was my last day of regular classes. I don’t really have words to explain how I felt. There was definitely a part of me that was excited. I’m doing something new very soon-well, in March. But, I get to move on with my life. So, yeah, there’s excitement. But, at the same time, there is a real sadness I was NOT expecting. As I looked across the room at my spindly professor, I realized this was then end of the quirky knowledge and utterly off beat wisdom I’d get from him. I don’t foresee anytime in my future that I’ll be able to learn from this man. And dear God, it made me really sad. I’m 75% sure it had nothing to do with my Professor, even if I do have some weird brain crush on him.
Have I made the wrong choice? I’m sitting here, and I’m absolutely at 6’s and 7’s about the whole thing. I think the reason I’m feeling doubt is because I want the newness of life to start RIGHT NOW. And that’s not exactly the way it works. The last time I made a drastic choice, it ended 8 months later in near disaster. But I need to get out of Baltimore. See knew face, leave the spot that make my heart bleed behind, and find new spots that are just MINE, that I don’t have to share will old victories or losses, but make NEW victories and NEW losses.
I know this is going to be hard, but I need to grow up and live deliberately. I need to cut the 26 year old umbilical chord and LIVE.