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Santa Fe, are ya there…If I found ya, would you let me come and stay??

So, the song Santa Fe has been in my head a lot lately. The one from Newsies,where Christian Bale is riding around old time NYC on a horse, singing his heart out. The only reason it’s in my head is because I am going out to New Mexico TOMORROW MORNING! I’m visiting a family that I hope to nanny for who live out there.

And suddenly, I’m struck by a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long while. I’m feel…nervous. That I won’t measure up, or that they won’t like me…because, suddenly I feel very much like a 12 year old at her first boy/girl party. Tall, chubby and painfully awkward. This blows. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited…just, dealing with a feeling that I honestly haven’t felt in quite sometime.

It’s the old battle between my head that says “even if things don’t work out, it doesn’t mean either party is bad…it just means you weren’t a good  fit!” vs. my heart that says “NO! It would be rejection! WE CAN’T HANDLE REJECTION!!!”

Also, I broke down and bought a Twix…king pack. Strangelyenough, it’s kinda making my tummy feel funny. That’s wierd.

Sorry this post isn’t fraught with wit or humor. My head is in a funny place.



About Beating Heart, Spinning Mind

Professional dreamer. Searching for a job and greater meaning. Being a good girlfriend...well, trying to.


One thought on “Santa Fe, are ya there…If I found ya, would you let me come and stay??

  1. Be yourself and be the wonderful person you are and hopefully they’ll fall in love with you! Good luck!

    Posted by Kristina Hooper | February 20, 2011, 2:56 am

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