Lately, I’ve been thinking about the people I don’t see anymore. Various reason keep us apart. Sometimes it’s plain geography. I mean, if you live in New York, or, like, Wales, it’s pretty obvious why I’m not seeing you regularly.
But it’s more the people who aren’t separated from me by large distances. There are many people who I just don’t see anymore. some, because something ‘happened’ to make me (or them) break off contact, sometimes silently, sometimes we’ve gone up in a blaze of fire.
However, some of these relationships, these once essential, defining relationship have just….faded. Have the seasons of our lives just changed, and, like leaves in the autumn, we’ve changed, faded and fallen away? Or is there hidden resentments, judgments?
I know I’ve changed. I’ve changed so much. Life looks…good for me now. So many of these faded friendships saw me through dark times, and now that things aren’t so dark, I don’t see you…is that a horrible thing to admit? I don’t think so. I don’t love people any less to admit that where I once needed them desperately, I don’t need them now. I, however, so miss them.
I hope that admitting that doesn’t make me look…mean, but just refreshingly honest!
Anyway, I woke up this morning with some really negative thoughts about myself flying around in my head. These thoughts pursued me to my computer,and down stairs for my morning coffee. I’m not sure what I did to shake them off (most likely my D3 and fervent prayer…) but they are gone for now.
It was somewhat refreshing to be taken so off my guard by the negative diatribe in my head. Because, if it’s surprising, that means that it’s not there all the time, and that, dear Readers, is a Good Thing. I like being surprised by being negative. It was out of character for who I am now, and I really, really like that idea. 🙂