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Steel Gray Mornings

alarm clock, bought from IKEA

Image via Wikipedia

Had another tryst with Mr Snoozebutton today. The things that man does to me….mainly make me lethargic through the rest of the day, oh well. So, now I’m sitting here with my cup of fresh ground coffee, looking out my window at this steel gray sky, and thinking lots of thoughts.

Yesterday was a pretty good, if slightly frightening day. I went to the bank and got things basically straitened out. That was what I considered to be my first stop on my way to re-claiming (or just plain old claiming….) my adulthood. Like I said to the associate who helped me “It’s really hard to convince someone you’re an adult when you don’t actually have a bank account…” However,i’m now nervous that I got the wrong account type, and won’t handle this one well either, or that the bank is going to change it’s mind, decide that I’m entirely too irresponsible to have a bank account ant take the whole thing away.  I feel irresponsible, that’s for sure.

There was something…almost behemian about the time I spent free of bank account/cell phone. There were also times that were absolutely infuriating. And more than a little scary. So, why is it that now I have one, I’ve even more scared?

I guess part of this ties into yesterday’s post. I talked all about being intentional. Very rarely am I ever actually intentional. Things just kind of happen around me, and I go with them. I find out about jobs, get into the only school I apply to. I find friends, and generally don’t have to spend much time getting used to them. This, I realize, is not the norm. I don’t generally HAVE to be intentional,but I’m changing that today. well, I’m going to try. I have to participate in my own life. I have to be willing to fail and not be destroyed if I do.

To steal a status from my ‘Aunt’ Krissy (and Leo Tolstoy…):

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
– Leo Tolstoy


About Beating Heart, Spinning Mind

Professional dreamer. Searching for a job and greater meaning. Being a good girlfriend...well, trying to.


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