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freedom, love

“I loved you in high def and art films too grainy to see clearly”

The Sad Clown! She is a teacher at my daughter...

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I often find that I have a hard time writing with great emotional depth about joy. All my work that I have ever deemed good enough to to show to the world has been about sadness. Or about some kind of pain that I’ve wrestled with. It’s not that I haven’t ever experienced great joy. I have. I have had great loves, great friends, moments of sheer joy. I just feel like I can’t put those feelings down on paper like I can with pain. For me, pain is more articulate. It speaks to me, often very clearly.

Is that horrible?? Is that a glaring comment on my personality? I hate being sad! I hate being stressed out. I just find that those are the times when the words are at their most poignant. I guess to me, pain has been profound, and while my joy has been pretty strong, I don’t know if I’ve ever known consistent joy. I have, however, known consistent pain. Oh well.

And on to matters of the heart. Alas, the heart…it’s a shifty character. It leads us on merry chases, while people shake their heads at our sport. It ebbs and flows like the Rio Grande. It makes fools and kings of us all. It reaches greatest of highest, and lowest of depths, and yet still keeps time with the symphony of the universe. The littlest of provocations can send it careening  in either of directions.

Oh, my shifty, shifty heart. Someday you’ll find fortitude and rest. Until then, try not to kill me…


About Beating Heart, Spinning Mind

Professional dreamer. Searching for a job and greater meaning. Being a good girlfriend...well, trying to.


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